Advice From Albert

Albert: I don't usually tell this to people, but you should really get a pest inspection before you buy a house.

Me (silently in my head): Thanks a frickin' lot, Al! I'll do that the next time that the house I'm buying is full of mice. See the previous owners did not happen to mention any mice because, I don't know, they wanted to, uh, sell their house!

Me (smiling and out loud): Huh, yeah, nobody ever mentioned that to us. Funny!

Later
Albert: See, I have ADD.

Me (in head): Why are you telling me this?

Later
Albert: We have a cool job later this week. We get to sit up in cranes and shoot pigeons.

Me (out loud): Huh? Shoot pigeons? With what? Up in a crane?

Me (in my head): How oh how did he get into this line of work? Isn't sitting up in a crane a bad idea when he has already admitted to not being able to sit still? Please go now.

Me (out loud): So, I'll see you in two weeks. Soda for the road?