Ultimate Sadness

You know it's a shitty week, when two of your three blog post's titles contain the words sadness or suckiness. Granted the one in between those two was about good things but that was just my naivete in not knowing what was still to come.

So last night, my family's dear sweet beloved Cocker Spaniel, Pepper, died. She escaped from my parent's yard and dashed into the street, where she was hit. Thankfully, she died instantly and did not suffer. But she was only eight years old and was supposed to live many more happy years with our family.

We got her after I returned from my first year of college. I vividly remember going to the Petland store off of Highway 94, just east of St. Paul and picking her out. She had been returned to the store because the original purchaser was not able to take good care of her. She was just a little bitty thing, black and white and able to fit into your two hands. She was a present for my dad.

We brought her home and got my dad down into the family room and made him sit down, with his arms out and his eyes closed. We put her down in his arms and it was love at first sight. He pretended to be angry that we didn't consult with him about buying her, but he really was pleasantly surprised.

Pepper loved popcorn. Rightfully so, I mean who doesn't? Plus my dad makes some seriously good stove-top popcorn. She didn't eat any other human food, but she knew exactly where my dad kept the popper and when he would pull it out, she would faithfully follow him and wait for him to cook it. She would be rewarded by the handfuls of popcorn my dad would "accidentally" drop on the floor.

She was so well behaved that on walks my parents would let her off-leash. She would scamper into the yards, chasing after rabbits or squirrels, but would always return to walk next to my parents and would obediently sit before crossing the street.

So I don't know if you know much about Cocker Spaniels, but usually non-show ones have their tails clipped so that all that is left is a little nubbin. Her tail was so cute and her butt would shake so excitedly when you came in the door or came home after several months of not seeing her.

I think she was a bit unsure of Caper when she first met him. He was a crazy dog and was in the throes of puppy hood when he came home for his first Thanksgiving, but her wariness turned to affection and every visit thereafter, they would follow each around everywhere. If either of them started barking, the other was sure to join in right away to back the other one up. One of the things I most look forward to when I got home to Minneapolis, is taking Caper and Pepper on a walk down to Lake Harriet and the rose garden.

It's been a long time since I've lost a pet. Daisy, our first Cocker Spaniel got sick and we had to put her down. It was one of the hardest things to do, taking her into the vet and saying good-bye. It seemed as though everyone in the office had started to cry by the time we were starting to leave. It was also the first time I saw my dad truly weep.

In a way though, I think her death was easier. We knew she was sick and we didn't want her to be in pain. So we had a bit of time to wrap our minds around her not being with us any more.

Pepper's death was just so sudden and unforeseen. We are all in shock and being four hundred miles away doesn't make it any easier for me to process. I keep thinking that I must be crazy for getting so upset over a dog. It's not like she ever told me she loved me or that she really enjoyed when I rubbed her belly.But it is truly amazing how these creatures can become such a dependable and important part of your life.

I miss you already, Pep.