I Had No Idea

So I got an email today that had the word 'tear' in it. Due to our crazy English language, a word can be spelled the same way but be pronounced differently and hence have two meanings. When Gmail frantically searched my email for any potential topic that could be twisted into an advertisement, it misinterpreted the context of 'tear' in the email. It mistakenly thought the writer was referring to being ripped and not to the salty liquid that emerges from the lacrimal duct (I knew that anatomy class would someday be useful). So, thinking that I may be interested in tears/rips/breaks/splits, I am provided with two advertisement taglines.

"Tear Down the Outhouse"
&
"Avoid Perineal Tear"

Apparently, dear readers, I have been targeted as either in need of a composting toilet or a stretchier vagina.

How, oh how, will I choose between the two?